I have lived a good life. A really good one. I’ve had the fortune to meet, befriend, and work with incredibly interesting people and in some cases make some sort of impact. It hasn’t been a particularly long life – I’m not sure at what point I reached ‘middle age’ but if so I think I’m scraping the door.
I had some bad news about a 10 days ago. After some bouts of illness and delays in which I was too ill it’s clearly apparent just how drug-resistant and how aggressive this particular sarcoma is. I’ve had the word that I’m not just inoperable but at this point any treatment would probably kill me, so I’ve been transferred to the Guy’s & St. Thomas palliative care team.
I’m going to die within months.
Which I’m remarkably OK with. Ready-ish to pass, though not to leave Clare behind. All I care about is making sure she’s OK, really. There are tears and shock and there’s a mountain of legal crap to occupy my time.
BTW: Haven’t set up a will? Go set one up. Today. It doesn’t take long. Anything is better than nothing.
My days are spent – mostly – sleeping, eating, coping, dealing with crap. A little bit of work: Nesta are being unbelievably helpful and kind (helped on by UK/EU human rights laws and disability protection – but they are really above and beyond the call of duty. Which helps. I don’t honestly know what my value-add is but it’s non-zero and hopefully of use to my colleagues who are picking up the pieces after me.
Please, I don’t want any pity. I’ve had a good life. I’ve got an amazing wife and people who love me from right round he world. I’d love to hear how you’re doing and how things are going. Pictures of your kid, your cat, your dog, your trials and travails. I think what most people in my situation want is just to know that normal life is going on somewhere and to hear about it – the question I can’t really ever answer is “How are you doing?”
For reading and following this and all your kind words. Sometimes you don’t win, but I feel like I’ve won at life. Wouldn’t mind another 40 years but this is what I get.